BIBLIOGRAPHY
David Kyle Foster, Sexual Healing, A Biblical Guide To Finding Freedom from Sexual Sin And Brokenness, (USA, Regal Books from Gospel Light, 2005)
Edmund & Amanda Smith, Real Love Ministry (RLM), Training Programmed A Support Group
Douglas A Houck, Exodus International Resource Manual
International Bible Society, The Holy Bible: New International Version (The Zondervan Corporation, 1989)
National Council Of Churches Of Singapore, A Christian Response to Homosexuality, (Genesis Books, 2004)
Catholic Research Centre, (Academe Art & Printing Services Sdn Bhd, 2003), Cover Story
John Stott, Issues Facing Christians Today, (Marshall Morgan & Scott, 1984)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 6
CONCLUSION
As I conclude, in order for us pastors, to truly give pastoral care to a homosexual. We ourselves need to be educated in this area. We also need to be like Jesus to love all people. We need to be models to our congregation to accept the homosexuals and love them but not love their lifestyles. Homosexuals are a group of people that desires love, the same as all human being but with an issue. It is very important for pastors to provide pastoral counseling to this group of people. As a pastor, it is ones desire to see life change, to see our sheep’s grow. In order to do that we need to see all believers as saints and sinners and that they need help to overcome their weaknesses. It is important for pastors to visit the homes of they homosexual member. This will make them know and believe that their pastor truly loves and care for them. Pastors need to put effort to give this group of people attention and to notice them and not hide their weakness under the carpet. Pastors need to give pastoral care to the homosexuals with a compassionate heart; prayerful approach and we need to be careful with our words and attitudes.
The fact is many homosexuals in church find it difficult to share with their pastors their struggles and if one does so, the pastor must make sure that he is able to keep their secrets if need to and to always encourage them. Many times, it is important for pastors to share those problems with the parents of the homosexual but as a pastor, one must be wise enough to say the right words so that one does not lose the trust of the member they are helping.
Sharing the love of Jesus alone is not enough but as Pastor we must live like Jesus. In order for us to understand and give pastoral care to the homosexual, we must make them feel that we truly love them, we must assure them that we love them no matter what lifestyle they choose but our hearts desire is to see them change. To gain the trust from a homosexual takes a lot of pastoral care. We must be ready to sacrifice our time, we must be patient to hear, we must be ready to sacrifice, we must be humble and at the same time cautious and we must be sincere to them.
The direct definition of ‘pastoral care’ is counseling or comfort given by ministers, priests, rabbis, etc., to those in need of help with emotional problems or stressful situations. This is not an easy task. Unless and until, one walks closely with Jesus, pray and read His Word regularly, always relying on the inner man rather then the flesh, one cannot have the joy of the Lord while giving pastoral care to their sheep’s. At the end of the day being a pastor will turn out to be a job rather then being the salt and the light in this world.
In my opinion, one is called to be a pastor is a wonderful journey as we walk with Jesus. I personally believe, as Christians, our main purpose in life is to tell the world about Jesus, to touch lives, to give pastoral care to everyone. Having a pastoral heart, we are actually fulfilling the plan of Jesus for our lives.
As I conclude, in order for us pastors, to truly give pastoral care to a homosexual. We ourselves need to be educated in this area. We also need to be like Jesus to love all people. We need to be models to our congregation to accept the homosexuals and love them but not love their lifestyles. Homosexuals are a group of people that desires love, the same as all human being but with an issue. It is very important for pastors to provide pastoral counseling to this group of people. As a pastor, it is ones desire to see life change, to see our sheep’s grow. In order to do that we need to see all believers as saints and sinners and that they need help to overcome their weaknesses. It is important for pastors to visit the homes of they homosexual member. This will make them know and believe that their pastor truly loves and care for them. Pastors need to put effort to give this group of people attention and to notice them and not hide their weakness under the carpet. Pastors need to give pastoral care to the homosexuals with a compassionate heart; prayerful approach and we need to be careful with our words and attitudes.
The fact is many homosexuals in church find it difficult to share with their pastors their struggles and if one does so, the pastor must make sure that he is able to keep their secrets if need to and to always encourage them. Many times, it is important for pastors to share those problems with the parents of the homosexual but as a pastor, one must be wise enough to say the right words so that one does not lose the trust of the member they are helping.
Sharing the love of Jesus alone is not enough but as Pastor we must live like Jesus. In order for us to understand and give pastoral care to the homosexual, we must make them feel that we truly love them, we must assure them that we love them no matter what lifestyle they choose but our hearts desire is to see them change. To gain the trust from a homosexual takes a lot of pastoral care. We must be ready to sacrifice our time, we must be patient to hear, we must be ready to sacrifice, we must be humble and at the same time cautious and we must be sincere to them.
The direct definition of ‘pastoral care’ is counseling or comfort given by ministers, priests, rabbis, etc., to those in need of help with emotional problems or stressful situations. This is not an easy task. Unless and until, one walks closely with Jesus, pray and read His Word regularly, always relying on the inner man rather then the flesh, one cannot have the joy of the Lord while giving pastoral care to their sheep’s. At the end of the day being a pastor will turn out to be a job rather then being the salt and the light in this world.
In my opinion, one is called to be a pastor is a wonderful journey as we walk with Jesus. I personally believe, as Christians, our main purpose in life is to tell the world about Jesus, to touch lives, to give pastoral care to everyone. Having a pastoral heart, we are actually fulfilling the plan of Jesus for our lives.
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 5
PASTORAL ADVICE
As a Pastor, we must educate the homosexuals firstly, that Christian is call to faith. Faith is the human response to divine revelation and faith believes God’s Word. In order for us to have faith, one must accept God’s standards and for the homosexuals they need to know that the only alternative to heterosexual marriage is sexual abstinence. Secondly, they need to know that faith accepts God’s grace. Whatever our ‘thorn in the flesh’ may be, Christ comes to us as He came to Paul and says’ ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness’ They need to know that Christians are called to hope and the possibility of change by the grace and power of God. The homosexuals need to know that Christians are called to love. At present we are living ‘in between times’, between the grace which grasp by faith and the glory which we anticipate in hope. Between them lies love. The fact is love is what the church of today failed to show to the homosexual people.
In my personal experience with the homosexuals, all they need is love. Homosexuals are searching for love at the wrong places and as pastors if we can’t share that love of Jesus to them, it seems impossible to penetrate to them and to understand them.
As a Pastor, we must educate the homosexuals firstly, that Christian is call to faith. Faith is the human response to divine revelation and faith believes God’s Word. In order for us to have faith, one must accept God’s standards and for the homosexuals they need to know that the only alternative to heterosexual marriage is sexual abstinence. Secondly, they need to know that faith accepts God’s grace. Whatever our ‘thorn in the flesh’ may be, Christ comes to us as He came to Paul and says’ ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness’ They need to know that Christians are called to hope and the possibility of change by the grace and power of God. The homosexuals need to know that Christians are called to love. At present we are living ‘in between times’, between the grace which grasp by faith and the glory which we anticipate in hope. Between them lies love. The fact is love is what the church of today failed to show to the homosexual people.
In my personal experience with the homosexuals, all they need is love. Homosexuals are searching for love at the wrong places and as pastors if we can’t share that love of Jesus to them, it seems impossible to penetrate to them and to understand them.
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 4
PASTORAL CARE
As a Pastor, in order for us to give pastoral care to the homosexuals, we must first build a relationship with them. We need to understand their needs and problems. We need to be educated on this subject. As a pastor, we must be ready to accept a homosexual coming to us to seek for help within out church itself. We cannot reject them and push them to others but we must first be ready to teach them and help them as and individual. Many times, pastors are not ready to help the homosexuals because they themselves are not educated in this area. We need to know the dos and don’ts about those who struggle with this issue in order for us to help the homosexuals recover. For example, as Pastors, we need to know that a homophyllic is not a homosexual. Below is a table to differentiate between a homosexual and a homophyllic:
Dr. Angelo Grazioli who is a sex therapist talks a lot about being homophyllic. In the bible, Jesus and John, Naomi and Ruth, Jonathan and David, they were all homophyllics and they shared deep love for each other. Homophyllic is a gift from God and I personally believe that all pastors must try to develop this gift in order to able to give pastoral care to all genders.
As pastors, when we are giving pastoral care to a homosexual, personally as a pastor, we must believe that homosexuals can change. They are not born gay. If pastors do not hold to this believe, personally I feel they can never help a homosexual. How can one teach or educate the other when they themselves feel that it’s impossible to change. Jesus said in His Word, all things are possible that includes the homosexuals. As pastors, it is important for us to provide personal care and guidance in their spiritual growth. We need to teach a homosexual the love of Jesus by us ourselves demonstrating His love to them.
As Pastors we need to bring faith, hope and love to this people’s life. We need to make them realize the will of God and their lives and His Word. As John Stott says “Homosexual practice must be regarded, in the light of the whole biblical revelation, not a variant within the wide range of accepted normality, but as a deviation from God’s Norm, and if we should therefore call homosexually oriented people to abstain from homosexual practices and partnerships.”
As a Pastor, in order for us to give pastoral care to the homosexuals, we must first build a relationship with them. We need to understand their needs and problems. We need to be educated on this subject. As a pastor, we must be ready to accept a homosexual coming to us to seek for help within out church itself. We cannot reject them and push them to others but we must first be ready to teach them and help them as and individual. Many times, pastors are not ready to help the homosexuals because they themselves are not educated in this area. We need to know the dos and don’ts about those who struggle with this issue in order for us to help the homosexuals recover. For example, as Pastors, we need to know that a homophyllic is not a homosexual. Below is a table to differentiate between a homosexual and a homophyllic:
Dr. Angelo Grazioli who is a sex therapist talks a lot about being homophyllic. In the bible, Jesus and John, Naomi and Ruth, Jonathan and David, they were all homophyllics and they shared deep love for each other. Homophyllic is a gift from God and I personally believe that all pastors must try to develop this gift in order to able to give pastoral care to all genders.
As pastors, when we are giving pastoral care to a homosexual, personally as a pastor, we must believe that homosexuals can change. They are not born gay. If pastors do not hold to this believe, personally I feel they can never help a homosexual. How can one teach or educate the other when they themselves feel that it’s impossible to change. Jesus said in His Word, all things are possible that includes the homosexuals. As pastors, it is important for us to provide personal care and guidance in their spiritual growth. We need to teach a homosexual the love of Jesus by us ourselves demonstrating His love to them.
As Pastors we need to bring faith, hope and love to this people’s life. We need to make them realize the will of God and their lives and His Word. As John Stott says “Homosexual practice must be regarded, in the light of the whole biblical revelation, not a variant within the wide range of accepted normality, but as a deviation from God’s Norm, and if we should therefore call homosexually oriented people to abstain from homosexual practices and partnerships.”
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 3
THE RESURRECTION / ESCHATOLOGICAL TRUTH ON HOMOSEXUALITY
In the Bible in Genesis 2 tells us the institution of marriage. Marriage is Gods plan. In the homosexual Christian movement, they deliberately draw a parallel between homosexual partnerships and heterosexual marriages. There is a fundamental truth that as human we need companionship. In Genesis 2 verse 8 The Lord God Said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God is love and He created us in His image that is why we as humans have the capacity to love and to be loved. God want us to live in community and not in solitude.
As a church and especially a Pastor, the homosexuals must be our concern and we must first care for this community by “understanding of the issues of identity or ontology, disposition or desire, and behavior or act” of them, in order for us to reach out to them. We must hold on to our stance but at the same time we must show the homosexuals that we love them. As a Pastor the best thing we can do to make a difference in the homosexual world is to give Real Love to this people in order to Bring Real Life to them. God taught us to love others as we love ourselves and that includes the homosexuals. As a Pastor, I personally believe that we should educate the church on this issue of homosexuality. In the cover story of the Catholic Asian news, Michael Broughton an experience educator from a pastoral perspective said that
“Dialogue with homosexuals was lacking in the church’s approach to the issue. Right up to now we talk about them, but there’s no dialogue with them. He noted that there were no trained, dedicated or specialize pastoral care either in Sinagapore or Malaysia.”
In the Bible in Genesis 2 tells us the institution of marriage. Marriage is Gods plan. In the homosexual Christian movement, they deliberately draw a parallel between homosexual partnerships and heterosexual marriages. There is a fundamental truth that as human we need companionship. In Genesis 2 verse 8 The Lord God Said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God is love and He created us in His image that is why we as humans have the capacity to love and to be loved. God want us to live in community and not in solitude.
As a church and especially a Pastor, the homosexuals must be our concern and we must first care for this community by “understanding of the issues of identity or ontology, disposition or desire, and behavior or act” of them, in order for us to reach out to them. We must hold on to our stance but at the same time we must show the homosexuals that we love them. As a Pastor the best thing we can do to make a difference in the homosexual world is to give Real Love to this people in order to Bring Real Life to them. God taught us to love others as we love ourselves and that includes the homosexuals. As a Pastor, I personally believe that we should educate the church on this issue of homosexuality. In the cover story of the Catholic Asian news, Michael Broughton an experience educator from a pastoral perspective said that
“Dialogue with homosexuals was lacking in the church’s approach to the issue. Right up to now we talk about them, but there’s no dialogue with them. He noted that there were no trained, dedicated or specialize pastoral care either in Sinagapore or Malaysia.”
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 2
THE SEASONS OF ROCOVERY
There are four seasons of recovery a homosexual need to take in order to come out of homosexuality.
The first season of recovery is called the ‘Educational Season.’ In this season, a homosexual need to change his behavior. They will need to learn and unlearn many behaviors. In Exodus International, a Christian organization they teach the homosexuals on obedience and changing of behaviors, ‘This means quickly and completely cutting off all associations with the homosexual lifestyle – which includes those people and places like gay friends, gay bars, pro-gay groups like the Metropolitan Community Church, Evangelical Concern and liberal mainline churches who support the homosexual active person.’ As pastors, in this season, we need to educate them the difference between sexual orientation and sexual lifestyle.
The second season of recovery is called the ‘Celibate Season’. In this season a homosexual must totally reject the homosexual lifestyle. They will need to build deep platonic relationships (DPR) with people of the same gender. DPR is a deep relationship between two people but it is non-sexual. This is a tough season, as pastors we must truly walk closely with them and monitor them with love to make sure that they are transparent towards us. In order to help this homosexual, as pastors in this season we need to encourage the homosexual to pursue DPR with a heterosexual individual or someone who rejected homosexuality for many years. In this season, as a pastor we need to make them understand and receive God’s grace, love and forgiveness. We need to make them accept themselves for who they are, including things about their body that are basically unchangeable.
The third season of recovery is called the ‘dating season’. In this season the ex-homosexual is now ready to date people of the opposite gender as they are now totally filled with love from the people of the same gender by sharing only DPR. This is very new to the ex-homosexual as pastors we must make them understand and get them excited. They need to realize that this is an opening journey to a new life for them. As a pastor, we need to let the ex-homosexual know that not all dates will be successful but it’s a growing process and the ex-homosexual need to pursue this until they are totally ready for a very deep romantic relationship with one of the selected dates. They will struggle because many homosexuals have a barrier issue towards people of the opposite gender. They find it hard to get sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender but they must do it in order to move forward to be heterosexual.
The forth and final stage is called the ‘Marriage Season’ . This is a victory for an ex-gay individual and even as a pastor who is journeying with them. This season is lifetime and they can now enjoy the plans that God has for them individually. By now the ex-homosexual is ready for marriage and will move on their journey into a brand new and exciting life.
As we can see, through those journey of recovery, as a pastor, we play and important role in the life of the homosexual. We are dealing with their inner man and it is very fragile. This is a long process and as pastors if we are not capable to journey with a homosexual, we need to make sure that we provide someone who can. As pastors, it is vital to educate our church on this issue so that we will always be prepared what such issues arises.
There are four seasons of recovery a homosexual need to take in order to come out of homosexuality.
The first season of recovery is called the ‘Educational Season.’ In this season, a homosexual need to change his behavior. They will need to learn and unlearn many behaviors. In Exodus International, a Christian organization they teach the homosexuals on obedience and changing of behaviors, ‘This means quickly and completely cutting off all associations with the homosexual lifestyle – which includes those people and places like gay friends, gay bars, pro-gay groups like the Metropolitan Community Church, Evangelical Concern and liberal mainline churches who support the homosexual active person.’ As pastors, in this season, we need to educate them the difference between sexual orientation and sexual lifestyle.
The second season of recovery is called the ‘Celibate Season’. In this season a homosexual must totally reject the homosexual lifestyle. They will need to build deep platonic relationships (DPR) with people of the same gender. DPR is a deep relationship between two people but it is non-sexual. This is a tough season, as pastors we must truly walk closely with them and monitor them with love to make sure that they are transparent towards us. In order to help this homosexual, as pastors in this season we need to encourage the homosexual to pursue DPR with a heterosexual individual or someone who rejected homosexuality for many years. In this season, as a pastor we need to make them understand and receive God’s grace, love and forgiveness. We need to make them accept themselves for who they are, including things about their body that are basically unchangeable.
The third season of recovery is called the ‘dating season’. In this season the ex-homosexual is now ready to date people of the opposite gender as they are now totally filled with love from the people of the same gender by sharing only DPR. This is very new to the ex-homosexual as pastors we must make them understand and get them excited. They need to realize that this is an opening journey to a new life for them. As a pastor, we need to let the ex-homosexual know that not all dates will be successful but it’s a growing process and the ex-homosexual need to pursue this until they are totally ready for a very deep romantic relationship with one of the selected dates. They will struggle because many homosexuals have a barrier issue towards people of the opposite gender. They find it hard to get sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender but they must do it in order to move forward to be heterosexual.
The forth and final stage is called the ‘Marriage Season’ . This is a victory for an ex-gay individual and even as a pastor who is journeying with them. This season is lifetime and they can now enjoy the plans that God has for them individually. By now the ex-homosexual is ready for marriage and will move on their journey into a brand new and exciting life.
As we can see, through those journey of recovery, as a pastor, we play and important role in the life of the homosexual. We are dealing with their inner man and it is very fragile. This is a long process and as pastors if we are not capable to journey with a homosexual, we need to make sure that we provide someone who can. As pastors, it is vital to educate our church on this issue so that we will always be prepared what such issues arises.
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 1
INTRODUCTION
There are many different views on this issue of homosexuality. In fact it is one of the most complex subjects to discuss about. “If we examined the divine intent for sexuality-that we were created to be heterosexual and monogamous.” We are all human beings and made in the image and likeness of God and there is no such phenomenon as “a homosexual.” The reason people become homosexuals because they suffer from sexual identity confusion and something has occurred in the course of their formative years and have damage their natural created heterosexual design like and incomplete or problem family, having bad experience with someone during childhood and the cultural influence can also contribute to someone in becoming a homosexual. Homosexuals do not choose to have a homosexual orientation but because they already have the orientation within them and when they reach puberty and sexual desires arise they will then choose to begin to live a homosexual lifestyle. Every homosexual has a story to tell on how they develop their homosexual orientation.
As pastors, it is important to also give pastoral care to the parents. Gender confusion is also associated with problems includes rejection of their parents, social isolationism, and compensation in a fantasy world.
Successful treatment helps a child to find thier way in a world which is naturally divided into males and females. With the dedicated help of the two most important adults in their life, their mother and their father, the gender-confused can begin to abandon their secret androgynous fantasy and discover the greater satisfaction of joining the gendered world.
As parents, they need to be sure that their interventions with or without a therapist are done gently and affirmatively, but clearly. While discouraging unwanted cross-gender behavior, parents must be sure that the child feels affirmed as a unique individual. This means the child need not be expected to be a "stylized" boy or girl, with nothing but gender-stereotypical interests. There can be a fair amount of gender role crossover but at the same time, healthy androgyny must first be built upon a solid foundation of security in one's original gender.
It is essential that parents always respectfully listen to their child. Don't force them into activities they hate. Don't make them conform to a role that frightens them. Don't shame them into covering up effeminate mannerisms. The process of change must proceed gradually, through a series of steps that are always accompanied by encouragement.
There are many different views on this issue of homosexuality. In fact it is one of the most complex subjects to discuss about. “If we examined the divine intent for sexuality-that we were created to be heterosexual and monogamous.” We are all human beings and made in the image and likeness of God and there is no such phenomenon as “a homosexual.” The reason people become homosexuals because they suffer from sexual identity confusion and something has occurred in the course of their formative years and have damage their natural created heterosexual design like and incomplete or problem family, having bad experience with someone during childhood and the cultural influence can also contribute to someone in becoming a homosexual. Homosexuals do not choose to have a homosexual orientation but because they already have the orientation within them and when they reach puberty and sexual desires arise they will then choose to begin to live a homosexual lifestyle. Every homosexual has a story to tell on how they develop their homosexual orientation.
As pastors, it is important to also give pastoral care to the parents. Gender confusion is also associated with problems includes rejection of their parents, social isolationism, and compensation in a fantasy world.
Successful treatment helps a child to find thier way in a world which is naturally divided into males and females. With the dedicated help of the two most important adults in their life, their mother and their father, the gender-confused can begin to abandon their secret androgynous fantasy and discover the greater satisfaction of joining the gendered world.
As parents, they need to be sure that their interventions with or without a therapist are done gently and affirmatively, but clearly. While discouraging unwanted cross-gender behavior, parents must be sure that the child feels affirmed as a unique individual. This means the child need not be expected to be a "stylized" boy or girl, with nothing but gender-stereotypical interests. There can be a fair amount of gender role crossover but at the same time, healthy androgyny must first be built upon a solid foundation of security in one's original gender.
It is essential that parents always respectfully listen to their child. Don't force them into activities they hate. Don't make them conform to a role that frightens them. Don't shame them into covering up effeminate mannerisms. The process of change must proceed gradually, through a series of steps that are always accompanied by encouragement.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Homosexuals Can Change By Ps Edmund Smith
"Amanda"(a true story of an ex-gay man)
By Ps Edmund Smith
My wife Amanda is my number sixth and final long term romantic partner.My romantic life is a long and complicated story but I'll try my best to make it short and sweet.
To start off,I have to say that I had a homosexual orientation so of course it was "natural" for me to choose men for my romantic partners.
My first romantic experience was with a man name Rahim.It all happened one evening on the 1st of November in 1989 at a swimming pool when I was about 19.My relationship with Rahim lasted for about a year.It left both Rahim&I broken hearted at the end of the relationship.
I wanted to made sure I did not make the same mistake again so I was hoping to meet a special girl the next time.And I did meet Nithilam one fine day in 1990.But sadly,instead of enjoying my relationship with the first girl of my life,I ended up living a bisexual lifestyle.I was with Nithilam but not truly attached to her.I couldnt do without a man (I thought)!
I eventually had a string of confused relationships as listed below...
1989 Rahim
1990 Nithilam+other men
1991 Rosli
1992 Lucia+other men
1993 Valiant
After my break up with Valiant in 1994,I knew that something was terribly wrong with my life.I knew I needed a change.I WANTED a change!I was desperate for a better life.At that time,I could talk to no one about my sexuality.Thus on my own,I decided to adopt the ex-gay lifestyle.No one told me to do so.For a gay to take the ex-gay road without any support&recovery program,it is truly painful&nearly impossible.The challenge of being an exgay was really hard but I saw the good coming out of it slowly but surely and it excited me.I remained a celibate for a while.Soon after that,I decided to trust in Jesus(at the end of 1994).I guess I was able to do that at that point of time because I wasn't distracted with finding Mr.Right.Having Jesus in my life made a whole lot of difference.I realize what He wants is to love me!Ed
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