"Amanda"(a true story of an ex-gay man)
By Ps Edmund Smith
My wife Amanda is my number sixth and final long term romantic partner.My romantic life is a long and complicated story but I'll try my best to make it short and sweet.
To start off,I have to say that I had a homosexual orientation so of course it was "natural" for me to choose men for my romantic partners.
My first romantic experience was with a man name Rahim.It all happened one evening on the 1st of November in 1989 at a swimming pool when I was about 19.My relationship with Rahim lasted for about a year.It left both Rahim&I broken hearted at the end of the relationship.
I wanted to made sure I did not make the same mistake again so I was hoping to meet a special girl the next time.And I did meet Nithilam one fine day in 1990.But sadly,instead of enjoying my relationship with the first girl of my life,I ended up living a bisexual lifestyle.I was with Nithilam but not truly attached to her.I couldnt do without a man (I thought)!
I eventually had a string of confused relationships as listed below...
1989 Rahim
1990 Nithilam+other men
1991 Rosli
1992 Lucia+other men
1993 Valiant
After my break up with Valiant in 1994,I knew that something was terribly wrong with my life.I knew I needed a change.I WANTED a change!I was desperate for a better life.At that time,I could talk to no one about my sexuality.Thus on my own,I decided to adopt the ex-gay lifestyle.No one told me to do so.For a gay to take the ex-gay road without any support&recovery program,it is truly painful&nearly impossible.The challenge of being an exgay was really hard but I saw the good coming out of it slowly but surely and it excited me.I remained a celibate for a while.Soon after that,I decided to trust in Jesus(at the end of 1994).I guess I was able to do that at that point of time because I wasn't distracted with finding Mr.Right.Having Jesus in my life made a whole lot of difference.I realize what He wants is to love me!Ed
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