Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Discovering the Diamond 2008
Real Love ministry recently had a fantastic time of worship, discovering the diamond - 'Jesus', fellowship, fun etc at our annual retreat held at El Santuary, Melaka on June 2008.
It was a journey to remember....
I miss it so much...
Love you all... RLM TEAM !!!
Real Love Ministry Mission Trip Report
RLM Mission Trip 2007 was a joined effort between RLM Fellowship & RLM Society. There were total of ten participants in this mission trip from all walks of life. During our mission trip, our main objectives were hands on experience for RLM members, to be a blessing to the community and also opportunity to network with the Street Ministry in Kuala Lumpur.
I had great experiences during this mission trip. There were a number of programs lined up for us, the missionaries. One of the highlight of the event was feeding the street community in Kuala Lumpur. Combined effort with Petaling Street Mission and RLM, together we served the street community. During our session there, we started with praise and worship and a short message even though many non Christians came and followed by lunch. Though it was raining heavily on that particular afternoon, there was still a huge crowd gathered from the street community. Personally it was a blessing for me as it truly taught me the gift of Love that Jesus has for His people. It showed me on how I can follow the teaching methods of Jesus to touch this people’s life. They were so grateful and happy to have us serving them. For some of them, I could see joy in their eyes to be served by us but many were ashamed of themselves. As I served them, they would just receive their food but their heads were facing downward. It was truly heart breaking to see those many people living such a life. I know it was just a glimpse of their lifestyle but it was real.
We also managed to join Church Service with the street community. Street Fellowship has a regular church service for the street community. I remember seeing the street people praising and worshiping Jesus joyfully. There were different religions gathered together in the Church Service. I was surprise to see such community worshiping Jesus in spite of their different walk of life. This truly taught me something, the Jesus we believe in is alive and in His Word, all will bow down and confess that He is God is coming to past for us here in Malaysia too.
Our biggest highlight was the Central Market Mission, where we as missionaries went out in pairs to minister and bless the street community and by the grace of God we were able to share Jesus into their lives. This took place at midnight where the street community includes of the beggars, the drug addicts, the prostitutes and the homosexuals. At first this wasn’t an easy assignment for me personally because I was afraid to be rejected or to be told off. We brought along some food with us as we move out in pairs. It was easier to approach them as we had something to offer them. My partner Sai Ho and myself, we were truly blessed. We managed to talk to a number of people and we managed to even share about Jesus to them. We also managed to pray with them, glory to Jesus, I saw tears flowing from some of their eyes. Some of them regretted to have chosen this walk of life and I personally know that we brought hope to them. It was truly a joy to bless this community.
Overall, after the mission trip, during our sharing of testimony, I could see the joy and the blessings that all of us received even though our main focus was to bless this community indeed we personally were double bless. Jesus is good and truly His love endures forever.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
What To Do When Your Child is Gay
By Mike Ensley
Parents often don’t know how to respond when a family member admits same-sex attraction. Here’s how you can offer Christ’s love and healing.
It’s not something many Christian parents see coming. Maybe you’ve discovered that your teenage son has been looking at homosexual pornography online, or your daughter has concluded she is bisexual. Or perhaps you’re one of the fortunate parents with a child brave enough to confide in you about his or her same-sex attraction.
Whatever your method of discovery, the news has no doubt brought on a storm of emotions. You weren’t expecting ever to have to deal with this.
Learning that their child struggles with—or is involved in—homosexuality is devastating for Christian parents. I know because in my 5-year-long tenure at Exodus International, an organization that ministers to homosexuals and their families, I’ve met many people who are affected by this issue. I am also aware of what a big deal it is because at age 16 I dropped the “I’m gay” bomb on my own family.
I know the tension, guilt and anger that can attend these issues. My parents and I went through a difficult time, never suspecting that 11 years later I would be encouraging you with the truth that God is in the business of reaching into these situations and creating new life.
I and my colleagues at Exodus want you to know that you’re not alone and that your feelings, decisions and family all matter to God. None of it has escaped His watchful eye, and nothing that hurts you is unimportant to Him. Remember to lean on Him as you take these important steps in grappling with the news that your child is gay:
Realize homosexuality can afflict any family. Homosexuality happens. So many parents with homosexual children have told me the same thing: “I don’t know how this could happen. He grew up in a Christian home; we took him to church. He was always such a good boy.”
There seems to be an assumption that bringing children up in a Christian environment makes them struggle-proof. To a degree, the expectation that if you do the right thing you should see the right results seems reasonable. Life isn’t supposed to be like this.
But in a broken and imperfect world, no one gets to choose his battles. Your son no more chose to experience same-sex attractions
(SSA) than another boy chose to feel that rush of adrenaline the first time a friend showed him a Playboy magazine. Your daughter has no better understanding of her struggles with sexual identity than you do.
Believe me: Your son or daughter did not choose to have homosexuality as their issue. If there had been any way for them to avoid it, they would have.
There are real reasons why they are led down a wrong path. The overriding truth is that homosexuality is just one of many things that can happen to broken people in a broken world. The good news is that this struggle is not inescapable, and humble assessment, ownership of personal responsibilities and clear direction from God will help you through.
Take care of yourself. You may need to put some space between you and your child to do this. As much as you probably want to focus on acquiring the right help for your child, you need to get support and resources for yourself.
You need it because you’re suffering, and your wounds matter simply because you matter. God cares about your well-being just as much as He cares about your child’s. He wants to be able to talk to you for you and for them. So get help.
Just as the young Christian with SSA usually isolates himself in a closet of shame, so his parents often close themselves off from others for fear of judgment. The church should be an environment that puts wounded individuals and families at ease; instead it is often the opposite. Most moms and dads fear the assumptions people will make about their families.
But fear isn’t the only emotion you’ll have to deal with; there will be a truckload of them, along with questions and complaints you’ll need to get off your chest. For the family that secludes itself in its crisis, the only place to turn their pain and confusion is on one another.
Clearly, that’s not a healthy solution. Finding an outlet for yourself will help your child and the rest of your family as well.
Don’t be afraid to see a Christian counselor. Many of Exodus International’s 170 local ministries and counselors offer support not only to those who deal with SSA but also to those affected by a loved one’s struggle. There are also knowledgeable, relational Christian counselors beyond our network who can be of immense help. God is doing a great work in counseling offices across the nation, so take advantage of this great resource.
The next step is opening up to your church family. This can be an even more intimidating prospect than seeing a counselor, but it’s important.
Believe it or not, your church needs you to do it. So many of the overcoming strugglers and family members I’ve met through the years have told me the same thing: When someone took the courageous step of sharing his or her private burdens with them, the Lord used it to free them up, too.
Rather than back-pedaling from the friendship, people start bringing their own secret sins, struggles and wounds to the table, and we find that we all can understand one another a little better than we thought we could. It takes courage to confront the darkness, but once the light is on, it’s not as frightening.
You don’t have to tell everybody; just start with a close friend or your small group. If you don’t have either of those in the church community, now’s the time to find them. You could probably get by for a while on your own, but with the support of Christian brothers and sisters, you can mend, heal and thrive.
Set attainable goals. In the scores of meetings, first phone calls and e-mails I’ve shared with concerned parents, I find that their primary focus is to “fix” their kid—and it’s no wonder, considering all the danger, sin and uncertainty we associate with the gay lifestyle. Naturally a loving mother or father wants to rescue their child from the consequences of such a lifestyle by keeping him or her from becoming entrenched in it.
You’ll never have peace aiming for goals you can’t achieve, and controlling your kid’s thoughts and choices is one of those. It’s what makes the teen years so hard for all parents—especially when they see a loved one beginning to stray. Parents instinctively seek more control in a season when their children are fighting harder than ever to take it from them.
Like it or not, adulthood is around the corner, and this issue might not work itself out ideally before then. Making control your goal will only create tension in the relationship, leaving everyone frustrated and distant.
A healthy, helpful and attainable goal is to keep the relationship alive, regardless of where you can or can’t find common ground. Be a parent your child can trust and talk with, one who can still see everything about the person that hasn’t changed—and isn’t obsessed only with what has. When you offer healthy intimacy and connection, it undermines the power of unhealthy desires.
If you can’t do that and choose to focus your attention on your child’s SSA struggle, you cease to be a relational influence in his life and become simply a person who is trying to make him straight—something he has probably tried on his own to be, only to conclude it’s impossible.
Am I telling you that, as a loving and invested parent, you should just ignore the issue of homosexuality? Absolutely not. But if you are to address it successfully with your child, you must not limit your relationship. Be open to the fact that this is a journey, one on which not all paths are bright and clear but on which your family is traveling together. Now you’re ready for open, honest communication.
Is an Exodus ministry right for your child? It can certainly help, but everyone in your family needs to understand what Exodus is and what it isn’t, and what they should and should not expect.
When my parents first dragged me kicking and screaming to an Exodus counselor, I know they hoped that would be the end of it, that there would be some magical technique employed by the sweet former lesbian they’d spoken to on the phone that was going to help put this issue behind our family once and for all.
Thankfully, Donna (the Exodus counselor) knew it wasn’t that simple. She was also able to do something my parents couldn’t. Sure, we talked about homosexuality from the start and got our differences out of the way; but then she put the entire issue on the back burner and just talked to me—as if I was still a whole person.
She treated me as if the other aspects of my life were still interesting, still significant, even with my attitude toward my sexuality still unresolved. This is something that many parents, gripped by panic and grief, forget to do.
Donna eventually broke down my walls and became my friend. She was also willing, at times, to be an advocate for me to my parents. They pressed her for secrets from our sessions; she kept them in confidence. They urged her to help strong-arm my decisions; she maintained her role as my counselor, not their liaison.
With great patience and grace, Donna helped me and my parents realize a very important truth with which every family in this situation must inevitably grapple: My struggle with SSA wasn’t the problem. Rather, it was the outward manifestation of deeply rooted issues in our family. It wasn’t just about homosexuality, and it wasn’t just about me.
Discover your part in the problem. There’s a big difference between finding one issue to blame for your kid’s struggle and honestly assessing where your family has taken healthy and unhealthy turns. There is no one person or act that caused your child’s human brokenness to take the shape of SSA.
And the resolution is not going to be as simple as addressing your son’s or daughter’s sexual identity issues (as complex as that is) and then getting back to life as usual.
The uncomfortable truth is that God will use your child’s situation to show you the ways in which you as individuals need to repent of any unhealthiness and embrace His will for your family. It’s time to take a hard and forgiving look at each of your hearts, and the good and bad ways you relate to one another.
In truth, that’s really what Christ allows each of His followers to do. He takes our guilt and shame upon Himself, freeing us to participate in the lifelong sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. It’s the same with your family.
There will be sins, both intentional and unintentional, to address. There will be wounds to uncover and feel. There are patterns that need to be abandoned and replaced with new ones. It will be painful and awkward at times, but no one is allowed to be blamed or shamed, and no one is allowed to be shut out.
Thankfully, not all teens go through a rebellious stage as I did. Many of them are eager for the help that Exodus offers. In fact, if my parents had found out a year or two before they did, I probably would have been much more cooperative at the start.
It’s the shame and stigma surrounding this issue that keep young strugglers in the dark. The day Christians stop fearing it and start talking about it graciously, compassionately and with the understanding that it’s just another struggle—one Christ can love us through—is the day that darkness will begin to fade.
Trust God. I’m sorry there’s no technique that provides an easy escape from one of the biggest shocks of your life. The one truth that has comforted me most in the midst of pain and ongoing struggle is that our suffering matters to God.
We’re so often given the impression that God is concerned only with our becoming holy and giving Him glory that, in the midst of crisis, we lose sight of the fact that He cares very much.
He does not coldly survey the brokenness in our lives; He collects our tears. And there is no distance to which you can flee or fall that is out of the reach of His saving grace. “The Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save,” the Bible tells us (Is. 59:1, NKJV).
There is a long road ahead, but God will never leave you alone. You can trust Him to provide all you need to restore your family to Him and to one another.
Parents often don’t know how to respond when a family member admits same-sex attraction. Here’s how you can offer Christ’s love and healing.
It’s not something many Christian parents see coming. Maybe you’ve discovered that your teenage son has been looking at homosexual pornography online, or your daughter has concluded she is bisexual. Or perhaps you’re one of the fortunate parents with a child brave enough to confide in you about his or her same-sex attraction.
Whatever your method of discovery, the news has no doubt brought on a storm of emotions. You weren’t expecting ever to have to deal with this.
Learning that their child struggles with—or is involved in—homosexuality is devastating for Christian parents. I know because in my 5-year-long tenure at Exodus International, an organization that ministers to homosexuals and their families, I’ve met many people who are affected by this issue. I am also aware of what a big deal it is because at age 16 I dropped the “I’m gay” bomb on my own family.
I know the tension, guilt and anger that can attend these issues. My parents and I went through a difficult time, never suspecting that 11 years later I would be encouraging you with the truth that God is in the business of reaching into these situations and creating new life.
I and my colleagues at Exodus want you to know that you’re not alone and that your feelings, decisions and family all matter to God. None of it has escaped His watchful eye, and nothing that hurts you is unimportant to Him. Remember to lean on Him as you take these important steps in grappling with the news that your child is gay:
Realize homosexuality can afflict any family. Homosexuality happens. So many parents with homosexual children have told me the same thing: “I don’t know how this could happen. He grew up in a Christian home; we took him to church. He was always such a good boy.”
There seems to be an assumption that bringing children up in a Christian environment makes them struggle-proof. To a degree, the expectation that if you do the right thing you should see the right results seems reasonable. Life isn’t supposed to be like this.
But in a broken and imperfect world, no one gets to choose his battles. Your son no more chose to experience same-sex attractions
(SSA) than another boy chose to feel that rush of adrenaline the first time a friend showed him a Playboy magazine. Your daughter has no better understanding of her struggles with sexual identity than you do.
Believe me: Your son or daughter did not choose to have homosexuality as their issue. If there had been any way for them to avoid it, they would have.
There are real reasons why they are led down a wrong path. The overriding truth is that homosexuality is just one of many things that can happen to broken people in a broken world. The good news is that this struggle is not inescapable, and humble assessment, ownership of personal responsibilities and clear direction from God will help you through.
Take care of yourself. You may need to put some space between you and your child to do this. As much as you probably want to focus on acquiring the right help for your child, you need to get support and resources for yourself.
You need it because you’re suffering, and your wounds matter simply because you matter. God cares about your well-being just as much as He cares about your child’s. He wants to be able to talk to you for you and for them. So get help.
Just as the young Christian with SSA usually isolates himself in a closet of shame, so his parents often close themselves off from others for fear of judgment. The church should be an environment that puts wounded individuals and families at ease; instead it is often the opposite. Most moms and dads fear the assumptions people will make about their families.
But fear isn’t the only emotion you’ll have to deal with; there will be a truckload of them, along with questions and complaints you’ll need to get off your chest. For the family that secludes itself in its crisis, the only place to turn their pain and confusion is on one another.
Clearly, that’s not a healthy solution. Finding an outlet for yourself will help your child and the rest of your family as well.
Don’t be afraid to see a Christian counselor. Many of Exodus International’s 170 local ministries and counselors offer support not only to those who deal with SSA but also to those affected by a loved one’s struggle. There are also knowledgeable, relational Christian counselors beyond our network who can be of immense help. God is doing a great work in counseling offices across the nation, so take advantage of this great resource.
The next step is opening up to your church family. This can be an even more intimidating prospect than seeing a counselor, but it’s important.
Believe it or not, your church needs you to do it. So many of the overcoming strugglers and family members I’ve met through the years have told me the same thing: When someone took the courageous step of sharing his or her private burdens with them, the Lord used it to free them up, too.
Rather than back-pedaling from the friendship, people start bringing their own secret sins, struggles and wounds to the table, and we find that we all can understand one another a little better than we thought we could. It takes courage to confront the darkness, but once the light is on, it’s not as frightening.
You don’t have to tell everybody; just start with a close friend or your small group. If you don’t have either of those in the church community, now’s the time to find them. You could probably get by for a while on your own, but with the support of Christian brothers and sisters, you can mend, heal and thrive.
Set attainable goals. In the scores of meetings, first phone calls and e-mails I’ve shared with concerned parents, I find that their primary focus is to “fix” their kid—and it’s no wonder, considering all the danger, sin and uncertainty we associate with the gay lifestyle. Naturally a loving mother or father wants to rescue their child from the consequences of such a lifestyle by keeping him or her from becoming entrenched in it.
You’ll never have peace aiming for goals you can’t achieve, and controlling your kid’s thoughts and choices is one of those. It’s what makes the teen years so hard for all parents—especially when they see a loved one beginning to stray. Parents instinctively seek more control in a season when their children are fighting harder than ever to take it from them.
Like it or not, adulthood is around the corner, and this issue might not work itself out ideally before then. Making control your goal will only create tension in the relationship, leaving everyone frustrated and distant.
A healthy, helpful and attainable goal is to keep the relationship alive, regardless of where you can or can’t find common ground. Be a parent your child can trust and talk with, one who can still see everything about the person that hasn’t changed—and isn’t obsessed only with what has. When you offer healthy intimacy and connection, it undermines the power of unhealthy desires.
If you can’t do that and choose to focus your attention on your child’s SSA struggle, you cease to be a relational influence in his life and become simply a person who is trying to make him straight—something he has probably tried on his own to be, only to conclude it’s impossible.
Am I telling you that, as a loving and invested parent, you should just ignore the issue of homosexuality? Absolutely not. But if you are to address it successfully with your child, you must not limit your relationship. Be open to the fact that this is a journey, one on which not all paths are bright and clear but on which your family is traveling together. Now you’re ready for open, honest communication.
Is an Exodus ministry right for your child? It can certainly help, but everyone in your family needs to understand what Exodus is and what it isn’t, and what they should and should not expect.
When my parents first dragged me kicking and screaming to an Exodus counselor, I know they hoped that would be the end of it, that there would be some magical technique employed by the sweet former lesbian they’d spoken to on the phone that was going to help put this issue behind our family once and for all.
Thankfully, Donna (the Exodus counselor) knew it wasn’t that simple. She was also able to do something my parents couldn’t. Sure, we talked about homosexuality from the start and got our differences out of the way; but then she put the entire issue on the back burner and just talked to me—as if I was still a whole person.
She treated me as if the other aspects of my life were still interesting, still significant, even with my attitude toward my sexuality still unresolved. This is something that many parents, gripped by panic and grief, forget to do.
Donna eventually broke down my walls and became my friend. She was also willing, at times, to be an advocate for me to my parents. They pressed her for secrets from our sessions; she kept them in confidence. They urged her to help strong-arm my decisions; she maintained her role as my counselor, not their liaison.
With great patience and grace, Donna helped me and my parents realize a very important truth with which every family in this situation must inevitably grapple: My struggle with SSA wasn’t the problem. Rather, it was the outward manifestation of deeply rooted issues in our family. It wasn’t just about homosexuality, and it wasn’t just about me.
Discover your part in the problem. There’s a big difference between finding one issue to blame for your kid’s struggle and honestly assessing where your family has taken healthy and unhealthy turns. There is no one person or act that caused your child’s human brokenness to take the shape of SSA.
And the resolution is not going to be as simple as addressing your son’s or daughter’s sexual identity issues (as complex as that is) and then getting back to life as usual.
The uncomfortable truth is that God will use your child’s situation to show you the ways in which you as individuals need to repent of any unhealthiness and embrace His will for your family. It’s time to take a hard and forgiving look at each of your hearts, and the good and bad ways you relate to one another.
In truth, that’s really what Christ allows each of His followers to do. He takes our guilt and shame upon Himself, freeing us to participate in the lifelong sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. It’s the same with your family.
There will be sins, both intentional and unintentional, to address. There will be wounds to uncover and feel. There are patterns that need to be abandoned and replaced with new ones. It will be painful and awkward at times, but no one is allowed to be blamed or shamed, and no one is allowed to be shut out.
Thankfully, not all teens go through a rebellious stage as I did. Many of them are eager for the help that Exodus offers. In fact, if my parents had found out a year or two before they did, I probably would have been much more cooperative at the start.
It’s the shame and stigma surrounding this issue that keep young strugglers in the dark. The day Christians stop fearing it and start talking about it graciously, compassionately and with the understanding that it’s just another struggle—one Christ can love us through—is the day that darkness will begin to fade.
Trust God. I’m sorry there’s no technique that provides an easy escape from one of the biggest shocks of your life. The one truth that has comforted me most in the midst of pain and ongoing struggle is that our suffering matters to God.
We’re so often given the impression that God is concerned only with our becoming holy and giving Him glory that, in the midst of crisis, we lose sight of the fact that He cares very much.
He does not coldly survey the brokenness in our lives; He collects our tears. And there is no distance to which you can flee or fall that is out of the reach of His saving grace. “The Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save,” the Bible tells us (Is. 59:1, NKJV).
There is a long road ahead, but God will never leave you alone. You can trust Him to provide all you need to restore your family to Him and to one another.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
My Gay Brother & Me - Life as a Lady
Being the youngest and the only girl in the family, I had a good life. Everyone loves me. Everyone took care of me. Edmund was one of them who were always taking care of me especially training me to be a better lady or what I should say, ‘Ladylike’. I was being surrounded by all my ‘macho’ brothers except for Edmund who was more on the feminine side; I began to behave like one of them. Edmund was the one who taught me that it was beautiful to be a lady and that as a lady I need to behave like one. I didn’t care much the importance of being a lady. To me it was all a waste of time but when Edmund made me understand, I began to enjoy being a lady as it feels good to be one. In another words, I thank the good Lord for Edmund, I might not be the woman I am today if it wasn’t because of him. I enjoyed being a ‘tomboy’. As for me dressing up with pants, jeans and t-shirt made me feel cool but today, I thank God that He gave Edmund to be my brother as he has helped me so much and made me appreciate life as a lady. Today, I am happily married to a wonderful man, Paulus and resides in Sabah.
I remember Edmund was the one who chooses what I was going to wear when we were going for any functions; like wedding dinner or any celebrations and festivals; he was the one who put make up on my face, comb my hair. Wow, he totally knew what it takes to be a lady. Well, sometimes he knows more things than the women in my life.
Edmund truly has that gift; today he uses his gift to dress his daughter, Angel and his son, Ethan. As I go back home to Melaka once in a while, Angel surely knows the beauty of being a girl at a very young age. She loves being a girl. She enjoys looking beautiful and yes she is beautiful. Even for Ethan, he sure knows that it is good and ‘macho’ to be a boy. Angel and Ethan surely know their identity individually as how they should. Jesus is so good; he really does have plans for each one of us. Like Edmund, he has really blessed him with a wonderful wife and two beautiful children. Shalom.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
My Gay Brother & Me
Well, this is how the story goes…
I was very young when I found out that my brother, Edmund Smith was gay. He was honest to me to let me know early because we were very close and we are still. I was about 7 years old when I knew that Edmund was gay. At that time Edmund was already a teenage boy. I could not really understand because I was still young and naïve.
Edmund and me we did loads of things together. I can still picture those days with my brother and it seems still so fresh in my mind. Our life was really fun; always having plans and activities everyday. We acted together, we open a mini library in our home together for the public in our settlement, we did doll parties and invited our friends and cousins with their dolls over together, we played tea sets together, we truly love and we have always been there for each other. From the early age, Edmund already had great talents. He could sing, dance and act and thank God for him that those gifts were also passed down to me.
Currently, Edmund is a professional artiste in Malaysia. His album is sold all over Malaysia and I pray that someone, even as you read this blog, if you do have contacts on how to help my brother Edmund to be an artiste professionally all over the world, do let me know. You can check out his website @ www.r-l-m.com for further information on what he does.
Let me talk a little bit about Real Love Ministry in short RLM as you can get further information from our website given above. Well, this is an organization where we help the marginalize community including the homosexuals. Ps. Edmund Smith and his wife, Ps. Amanda Smith, is the founder of Real Love Ministry. I thank God that today he is not only an Ex-homosexual but he is helping those homosexuals who want to come out. I am also actively involved in this organization because I personally can testify that my brother has changed and that we have helped many homosexuals and today they are ex-homosexuals. Change is available if we choose to take the step.
To be continued………on my next article do come back to read about it.
Real Love.... Helga Veronica Smith
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 7
BIBLIOGRAPHY
David Kyle Foster, Sexual Healing, A Biblical Guide To Finding Freedom from Sexual Sin And Brokenness, (USA, Regal Books from Gospel Light, 2005)
Edmund & Amanda Smith, Real Love Ministry (RLM), Training Programmed A Support Group
Douglas A Houck, Exodus International Resource Manual
International Bible Society, The Holy Bible: New International Version (The Zondervan Corporation, 1989)
National Council Of Churches Of Singapore, A Christian Response to Homosexuality, (Genesis Books, 2004)
Catholic Research Centre, (Academe Art & Printing Services Sdn Bhd, 2003), Cover Story
John Stott, Issues Facing Christians Today, (Marshall Morgan & Scott, 1984)
David Kyle Foster, Sexual Healing, A Biblical Guide To Finding Freedom from Sexual Sin And Brokenness, (USA, Regal Books from Gospel Light, 2005)
Edmund & Amanda Smith, Real Love Ministry (RLM), Training Programmed A Support Group
Douglas A Houck, Exodus International Resource Manual
International Bible Society, The Holy Bible: New International Version (The Zondervan Corporation, 1989)
National Council Of Churches Of Singapore, A Christian Response to Homosexuality, (Genesis Books, 2004)
Catholic Research Centre, (Academe Art & Printing Services Sdn Bhd, 2003), Cover Story
John Stott, Issues Facing Christians Today, (Marshall Morgan & Scott, 1984)
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 6
CONCLUSION
As I conclude, in order for us pastors, to truly give pastoral care to a homosexual. We ourselves need to be educated in this area. We also need to be like Jesus to love all people. We need to be models to our congregation to accept the homosexuals and love them but not love their lifestyles. Homosexuals are a group of people that desires love, the same as all human being but with an issue. It is very important for pastors to provide pastoral counseling to this group of people. As a pastor, it is ones desire to see life change, to see our sheep’s grow. In order to do that we need to see all believers as saints and sinners and that they need help to overcome their weaknesses. It is important for pastors to visit the homes of they homosexual member. This will make them know and believe that their pastor truly loves and care for them. Pastors need to put effort to give this group of people attention and to notice them and not hide their weakness under the carpet. Pastors need to give pastoral care to the homosexuals with a compassionate heart; prayerful approach and we need to be careful with our words and attitudes.
The fact is many homosexuals in church find it difficult to share with their pastors their struggles and if one does so, the pastor must make sure that he is able to keep their secrets if need to and to always encourage them. Many times, it is important for pastors to share those problems with the parents of the homosexual but as a pastor, one must be wise enough to say the right words so that one does not lose the trust of the member they are helping.
Sharing the love of Jesus alone is not enough but as Pastor we must live like Jesus. In order for us to understand and give pastoral care to the homosexual, we must make them feel that we truly love them, we must assure them that we love them no matter what lifestyle they choose but our hearts desire is to see them change. To gain the trust from a homosexual takes a lot of pastoral care. We must be ready to sacrifice our time, we must be patient to hear, we must be ready to sacrifice, we must be humble and at the same time cautious and we must be sincere to them.
The direct definition of ‘pastoral care’ is counseling or comfort given by ministers, priests, rabbis, etc., to those in need of help with emotional problems or stressful situations. This is not an easy task. Unless and until, one walks closely with Jesus, pray and read His Word regularly, always relying on the inner man rather then the flesh, one cannot have the joy of the Lord while giving pastoral care to their sheep’s. At the end of the day being a pastor will turn out to be a job rather then being the salt and the light in this world.
In my opinion, one is called to be a pastor is a wonderful journey as we walk with Jesus. I personally believe, as Christians, our main purpose in life is to tell the world about Jesus, to touch lives, to give pastoral care to everyone. Having a pastoral heart, we are actually fulfilling the plan of Jesus for our lives.
As I conclude, in order for us pastors, to truly give pastoral care to a homosexual. We ourselves need to be educated in this area. We also need to be like Jesus to love all people. We need to be models to our congregation to accept the homosexuals and love them but not love their lifestyles. Homosexuals are a group of people that desires love, the same as all human being but with an issue. It is very important for pastors to provide pastoral counseling to this group of people. As a pastor, it is ones desire to see life change, to see our sheep’s grow. In order to do that we need to see all believers as saints and sinners and that they need help to overcome their weaknesses. It is important for pastors to visit the homes of they homosexual member. This will make them know and believe that their pastor truly loves and care for them. Pastors need to put effort to give this group of people attention and to notice them and not hide their weakness under the carpet. Pastors need to give pastoral care to the homosexuals with a compassionate heart; prayerful approach and we need to be careful with our words and attitudes.
The fact is many homosexuals in church find it difficult to share with their pastors their struggles and if one does so, the pastor must make sure that he is able to keep their secrets if need to and to always encourage them. Many times, it is important for pastors to share those problems with the parents of the homosexual but as a pastor, one must be wise enough to say the right words so that one does not lose the trust of the member they are helping.
Sharing the love of Jesus alone is not enough but as Pastor we must live like Jesus. In order for us to understand and give pastoral care to the homosexual, we must make them feel that we truly love them, we must assure them that we love them no matter what lifestyle they choose but our hearts desire is to see them change. To gain the trust from a homosexual takes a lot of pastoral care. We must be ready to sacrifice our time, we must be patient to hear, we must be ready to sacrifice, we must be humble and at the same time cautious and we must be sincere to them.
The direct definition of ‘pastoral care’ is counseling or comfort given by ministers, priests, rabbis, etc., to those in need of help with emotional problems or stressful situations. This is not an easy task. Unless and until, one walks closely with Jesus, pray and read His Word regularly, always relying on the inner man rather then the flesh, one cannot have the joy of the Lord while giving pastoral care to their sheep’s. At the end of the day being a pastor will turn out to be a job rather then being the salt and the light in this world.
In my opinion, one is called to be a pastor is a wonderful journey as we walk with Jesus. I personally believe, as Christians, our main purpose in life is to tell the world about Jesus, to touch lives, to give pastoral care to everyone. Having a pastoral heart, we are actually fulfilling the plan of Jesus for our lives.
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 5
PASTORAL ADVICE
As a Pastor, we must educate the homosexuals firstly, that Christian is call to faith. Faith is the human response to divine revelation and faith believes God’s Word. In order for us to have faith, one must accept God’s standards and for the homosexuals they need to know that the only alternative to heterosexual marriage is sexual abstinence. Secondly, they need to know that faith accepts God’s grace. Whatever our ‘thorn in the flesh’ may be, Christ comes to us as He came to Paul and says’ ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness’ They need to know that Christians are called to hope and the possibility of change by the grace and power of God. The homosexuals need to know that Christians are called to love. At present we are living ‘in between times’, between the grace which grasp by faith and the glory which we anticipate in hope. Between them lies love. The fact is love is what the church of today failed to show to the homosexual people.
In my personal experience with the homosexuals, all they need is love. Homosexuals are searching for love at the wrong places and as pastors if we can’t share that love of Jesus to them, it seems impossible to penetrate to them and to understand them.
As a Pastor, we must educate the homosexuals firstly, that Christian is call to faith. Faith is the human response to divine revelation and faith believes God’s Word. In order for us to have faith, one must accept God’s standards and for the homosexuals they need to know that the only alternative to heterosexual marriage is sexual abstinence. Secondly, they need to know that faith accepts God’s grace. Whatever our ‘thorn in the flesh’ may be, Christ comes to us as He came to Paul and says’ ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness’ They need to know that Christians are called to hope and the possibility of change by the grace and power of God. The homosexuals need to know that Christians are called to love. At present we are living ‘in between times’, between the grace which grasp by faith and the glory which we anticipate in hope. Between them lies love. The fact is love is what the church of today failed to show to the homosexual people.
In my personal experience with the homosexuals, all they need is love. Homosexuals are searching for love at the wrong places and as pastors if we can’t share that love of Jesus to them, it seems impossible to penetrate to them and to understand them.
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 4
PASTORAL CARE
As a Pastor, in order for us to give pastoral care to the homosexuals, we must first build a relationship with them. We need to understand their needs and problems. We need to be educated on this subject. As a pastor, we must be ready to accept a homosexual coming to us to seek for help within out church itself. We cannot reject them and push them to others but we must first be ready to teach them and help them as and individual. Many times, pastors are not ready to help the homosexuals because they themselves are not educated in this area. We need to know the dos and don’ts about those who struggle with this issue in order for us to help the homosexuals recover. For example, as Pastors, we need to know that a homophyllic is not a homosexual. Below is a table to differentiate between a homosexual and a homophyllic:
Dr. Angelo Grazioli who is a sex therapist talks a lot about being homophyllic. In the bible, Jesus and John, Naomi and Ruth, Jonathan and David, they were all homophyllics and they shared deep love for each other. Homophyllic is a gift from God and I personally believe that all pastors must try to develop this gift in order to able to give pastoral care to all genders.
As pastors, when we are giving pastoral care to a homosexual, personally as a pastor, we must believe that homosexuals can change. They are not born gay. If pastors do not hold to this believe, personally I feel they can never help a homosexual. How can one teach or educate the other when they themselves feel that it’s impossible to change. Jesus said in His Word, all things are possible that includes the homosexuals. As pastors, it is important for us to provide personal care and guidance in their spiritual growth. We need to teach a homosexual the love of Jesus by us ourselves demonstrating His love to them.
As Pastors we need to bring faith, hope and love to this people’s life. We need to make them realize the will of God and their lives and His Word. As John Stott says “Homosexual practice must be regarded, in the light of the whole biblical revelation, not a variant within the wide range of accepted normality, but as a deviation from God’s Norm, and if we should therefore call homosexually oriented people to abstain from homosexual practices and partnerships.”
As a Pastor, in order for us to give pastoral care to the homosexuals, we must first build a relationship with them. We need to understand their needs and problems. We need to be educated on this subject. As a pastor, we must be ready to accept a homosexual coming to us to seek for help within out church itself. We cannot reject them and push them to others but we must first be ready to teach them and help them as and individual. Many times, pastors are not ready to help the homosexuals because they themselves are not educated in this area. We need to know the dos and don’ts about those who struggle with this issue in order for us to help the homosexuals recover. For example, as Pastors, we need to know that a homophyllic is not a homosexual. Below is a table to differentiate between a homosexual and a homophyllic:
Dr. Angelo Grazioli who is a sex therapist talks a lot about being homophyllic. In the bible, Jesus and John, Naomi and Ruth, Jonathan and David, they were all homophyllics and they shared deep love for each other. Homophyllic is a gift from God and I personally believe that all pastors must try to develop this gift in order to able to give pastoral care to all genders.
As pastors, when we are giving pastoral care to a homosexual, personally as a pastor, we must believe that homosexuals can change. They are not born gay. If pastors do not hold to this believe, personally I feel they can never help a homosexual. How can one teach or educate the other when they themselves feel that it’s impossible to change. Jesus said in His Word, all things are possible that includes the homosexuals. As pastors, it is important for us to provide personal care and guidance in their spiritual growth. We need to teach a homosexual the love of Jesus by us ourselves demonstrating His love to them.
As Pastors we need to bring faith, hope and love to this people’s life. We need to make them realize the will of God and their lives and His Word. As John Stott says “Homosexual practice must be regarded, in the light of the whole biblical revelation, not a variant within the wide range of accepted normality, but as a deviation from God’s Norm, and if we should therefore call homosexually oriented people to abstain from homosexual practices and partnerships.”
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 3
THE RESURRECTION / ESCHATOLOGICAL TRUTH ON HOMOSEXUALITY
In the Bible in Genesis 2 tells us the institution of marriage. Marriage is Gods plan. In the homosexual Christian movement, they deliberately draw a parallel between homosexual partnerships and heterosexual marriages. There is a fundamental truth that as human we need companionship. In Genesis 2 verse 8 The Lord God Said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God is love and He created us in His image that is why we as humans have the capacity to love and to be loved. God want us to live in community and not in solitude.
As a church and especially a Pastor, the homosexuals must be our concern and we must first care for this community by “understanding of the issues of identity or ontology, disposition or desire, and behavior or act” of them, in order for us to reach out to them. We must hold on to our stance but at the same time we must show the homosexuals that we love them. As a Pastor the best thing we can do to make a difference in the homosexual world is to give Real Love to this people in order to Bring Real Life to them. God taught us to love others as we love ourselves and that includes the homosexuals. As a Pastor, I personally believe that we should educate the church on this issue of homosexuality. In the cover story of the Catholic Asian news, Michael Broughton an experience educator from a pastoral perspective said that
“Dialogue with homosexuals was lacking in the church’s approach to the issue. Right up to now we talk about them, but there’s no dialogue with them. He noted that there were no trained, dedicated or specialize pastoral care either in Sinagapore or Malaysia.”
In the Bible in Genesis 2 tells us the institution of marriage. Marriage is Gods plan. In the homosexual Christian movement, they deliberately draw a parallel between homosexual partnerships and heterosexual marriages. There is a fundamental truth that as human we need companionship. In Genesis 2 verse 8 The Lord God Said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God is love and He created us in His image that is why we as humans have the capacity to love and to be loved. God want us to live in community and not in solitude.
As a church and especially a Pastor, the homosexuals must be our concern and we must first care for this community by “understanding of the issues of identity or ontology, disposition or desire, and behavior or act” of them, in order for us to reach out to them. We must hold on to our stance but at the same time we must show the homosexuals that we love them. As a Pastor the best thing we can do to make a difference in the homosexual world is to give Real Love to this people in order to Bring Real Life to them. God taught us to love others as we love ourselves and that includes the homosexuals. As a Pastor, I personally believe that we should educate the church on this issue of homosexuality. In the cover story of the Catholic Asian news, Michael Broughton an experience educator from a pastoral perspective said that
“Dialogue with homosexuals was lacking in the church’s approach to the issue. Right up to now we talk about them, but there’s no dialogue with them. He noted that there were no trained, dedicated or specialize pastoral care either in Sinagapore or Malaysia.”
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 2
THE SEASONS OF ROCOVERY
There are four seasons of recovery a homosexual need to take in order to come out of homosexuality.
The first season of recovery is called the ‘Educational Season.’ In this season, a homosexual need to change his behavior. They will need to learn and unlearn many behaviors. In Exodus International, a Christian organization they teach the homosexuals on obedience and changing of behaviors, ‘This means quickly and completely cutting off all associations with the homosexual lifestyle – which includes those people and places like gay friends, gay bars, pro-gay groups like the Metropolitan Community Church, Evangelical Concern and liberal mainline churches who support the homosexual active person.’ As pastors, in this season, we need to educate them the difference between sexual orientation and sexual lifestyle.
The second season of recovery is called the ‘Celibate Season’. In this season a homosexual must totally reject the homosexual lifestyle. They will need to build deep platonic relationships (DPR) with people of the same gender. DPR is a deep relationship between two people but it is non-sexual. This is a tough season, as pastors we must truly walk closely with them and monitor them with love to make sure that they are transparent towards us. In order to help this homosexual, as pastors in this season we need to encourage the homosexual to pursue DPR with a heterosexual individual or someone who rejected homosexuality for many years. In this season, as a pastor we need to make them understand and receive God’s grace, love and forgiveness. We need to make them accept themselves for who they are, including things about their body that are basically unchangeable.
The third season of recovery is called the ‘dating season’. In this season the ex-homosexual is now ready to date people of the opposite gender as they are now totally filled with love from the people of the same gender by sharing only DPR. This is very new to the ex-homosexual as pastors we must make them understand and get them excited. They need to realize that this is an opening journey to a new life for them. As a pastor, we need to let the ex-homosexual know that not all dates will be successful but it’s a growing process and the ex-homosexual need to pursue this until they are totally ready for a very deep romantic relationship with one of the selected dates. They will struggle because many homosexuals have a barrier issue towards people of the opposite gender. They find it hard to get sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender but they must do it in order to move forward to be heterosexual.
The forth and final stage is called the ‘Marriage Season’ . This is a victory for an ex-gay individual and even as a pastor who is journeying with them. This season is lifetime and they can now enjoy the plans that God has for them individually. By now the ex-homosexual is ready for marriage and will move on their journey into a brand new and exciting life.
As we can see, through those journey of recovery, as a pastor, we play and important role in the life of the homosexual. We are dealing with their inner man and it is very fragile. This is a long process and as pastors if we are not capable to journey with a homosexual, we need to make sure that we provide someone who can. As pastors, it is vital to educate our church on this issue so that we will always be prepared what such issues arises.
There are four seasons of recovery a homosexual need to take in order to come out of homosexuality.
The first season of recovery is called the ‘Educational Season.’ In this season, a homosexual need to change his behavior. They will need to learn and unlearn many behaviors. In Exodus International, a Christian organization they teach the homosexuals on obedience and changing of behaviors, ‘This means quickly and completely cutting off all associations with the homosexual lifestyle – which includes those people and places like gay friends, gay bars, pro-gay groups like the Metropolitan Community Church, Evangelical Concern and liberal mainline churches who support the homosexual active person.’ As pastors, in this season, we need to educate them the difference between sexual orientation and sexual lifestyle.
The second season of recovery is called the ‘Celibate Season’. In this season a homosexual must totally reject the homosexual lifestyle. They will need to build deep platonic relationships (DPR) with people of the same gender. DPR is a deep relationship between two people but it is non-sexual. This is a tough season, as pastors we must truly walk closely with them and monitor them with love to make sure that they are transparent towards us. In order to help this homosexual, as pastors in this season we need to encourage the homosexual to pursue DPR with a heterosexual individual or someone who rejected homosexuality for many years. In this season, as a pastor we need to make them understand and receive God’s grace, love and forgiveness. We need to make them accept themselves for who they are, including things about their body that are basically unchangeable.
The third season of recovery is called the ‘dating season’. In this season the ex-homosexual is now ready to date people of the opposite gender as they are now totally filled with love from the people of the same gender by sharing only DPR. This is very new to the ex-homosexual as pastors we must make them understand and get them excited. They need to realize that this is an opening journey to a new life for them. As a pastor, we need to let the ex-homosexual know that not all dates will be successful but it’s a growing process and the ex-homosexual need to pursue this until they are totally ready for a very deep romantic relationship with one of the selected dates. They will struggle because many homosexuals have a barrier issue towards people of the opposite gender. They find it hard to get sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender but they must do it in order to move forward to be heterosexual.
The forth and final stage is called the ‘Marriage Season’ . This is a victory for an ex-gay individual and even as a pastor who is journeying with them. This season is lifetime and they can now enjoy the plans that God has for them individually. By now the ex-homosexual is ready for marriage and will move on their journey into a brand new and exciting life.
As we can see, through those journey of recovery, as a pastor, we play and important role in the life of the homosexual. We are dealing with their inner man and it is very fragile. This is a long process and as pastors if we are not capable to journey with a homosexual, we need to make sure that we provide someone who can. As pastors, it is vital to educate our church on this issue so that we will always be prepared what such issues arises.
Pastoral Care On Homosexuality - Part 1
INTRODUCTION
There are many different views on this issue of homosexuality. In fact it is one of the most complex subjects to discuss about. “If we examined the divine intent for sexuality-that we were created to be heterosexual and monogamous.” We are all human beings and made in the image and likeness of God and there is no such phenomenon as “a homosexual.” The reason people become homosexuals because they suffer from sexual identity confusion and something has occurred in the course of their formative years and have damage their natural created heterosexual design like and incomplete or problem family, having bad experience with someone during childhood and the cultural influence can also contribute to someone in becoming a homosexual. Homosexuals do not choose to have a homosexual orientation but because they already have the orientation within them and when they reach puberty and sexual desires arise they will then choose to begin to live a homosexual lifestyle. Every homosexual has a story to tell on how they develop their homosexual orientation.
As pastors, it is important to also give pastoral care to the parents. Gender confusion is also associated with problems includes rejection of their parents, social isolationism, and compensation in a fantasy world.
Successful treatment helps a child to find thier way in a world which is naturally divided into males and females. With the dedicated help of the two most important adults in their life, their mother and their father, the gender-confused can begin to abandon their secret androgynous fantasy and discover the greater satisfaction of joining the gendered world.
As parents, they need to be sure that their interventions with or without a therapist are done gently and affirmatively, but clearly. While discouraging unwanted cross-gender behavior, parents must be sure that the child feels affirmed as a unique individual. This means the child need not be expected to be a "stylized" boy or girl, with nothing but gender-stereotypical interests. There can be a fair amount of gender role crossover but at the same time, healthy androgyny must first be built upon a solid foundation of security in one's original gender.
It is essential that parents always respectfully listen to their child. Don't force them into activities they hate. Don't make them conform to a role that frightens them. Don't shame them into covering up effeminate mannerisms. The process of change must proceed gradually, through a series of steps that are always accompanied by encouragement.
There are many different views on this issue of homosexuality. In fact it is one of the most complex subjects to discuss about. “If we examined the divine intent for sexuality-that we were created to be heterosexual and monogamous.” We are all human beings and made in the image and likeness of God and there is no such phenomenon as “a homosexual.” The reason people become homosexuals because they suffer from sexual identity confusion and something has occurred in the course of their formative years and have damage their natural created heterosexual design like and incomplete or problem family, having bad experience with someone during childhood and the cultural influence can also contribute to someone in becoming a homosexual. Homosexuals do not choose to have a homosexual orientation but because they already have the orientation within them and when they reach puberty and sexual desires arise they will then choose to begin to live a homosexual lifestyle. Every homosexual has a story to tell on how they develop their homosexual orientation.
As pastors, it is important to also give pastoral care to the parents. Gender confusion is also associated with problems includes rejection of their parents, social isolationism, and compensation in a fantasy world.
Successful treatment helps a child to find thier way in a world which is naturally divided into males and females. With the dedicated help of the two most important adults in their life, their mother and their father, the gender-confused can begin to abandon their secret androgynous fantasy and discover the greater satisfaction of joining the gendered world.
As parents, they need to be sure that their interventions with or without a therapist are done gently and affirmatively, but clearly. While discouraging unwanted cross-gender behavior, parents must be sure that the child feels affirmed as a unique individual. This means the child need not be expected to be a "stylized" boy or girl, with nothing but gender-stereotypical interests. There can be a fair amount of gender role crossover but at the same time, healthy androgyny must first be built upon a solid foundation of security in one's original gender.
It is essential that parents always respectfully listen to their child. Don't force them into activities they hate. Don't make them conform to a role that frightens them. Don't shame them into covering up effeminate mannerisms. The process of change must proceed gradually, through a series of steps that are always accompanied by encouragement.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Homosexuals Can Change By Ps Edmund Smith
"Amanda"(a true story of an ex-gay man)
By Ps Edmund Smith
My wife Amanda is my number sixth and final long term romantic partner.My romantic life is a long and complicated story but I'll try my best to make it short and sweet.
To start off,I have to say that I had a homosexual orientation so of course it was "natural" for me to choose men for my romantic partners.
My first romantic experience was with a man name Rahim.It all happened one evening on the 1st of November in 1989 at a swimming pool when I was about 19.My relationship with Rahim lasted for about a year.It left both Rahim&I broken hearted at the end of the relationship.
I wanted to made sure I did not make the same mistake again so I was hoping to meet a special girl the next time.And I did meet Nithilam one fine day in 1990.But sadly,instead of enjoying my relationship with the first girl of my life,I ended up living a bisexual lifestyle.I was with Nithilam but not truly attached to her.I couldnt do without a man (I thought)!
I eventually had a string of confused relationships as listed below...
1989 Rahim
1990 Nithilam+other men
1991 Rosli
1992 Lucia+other men
1993 Valiant
After my break up with Valiant in 1994,I knew that something was terribly wrong with my life.I knew I needed a change.I WANTED a change!I was desperate for a better life.At that time,I could talk to no one about my sexuality.Thus on my own,I decided to adopt the ex-gay lifestyle.No one told me to do so.For a gay to take the ex-gay road without any support&recovery program,it is truly painful&nearly impossible.The challenge of being an exgay was really hard but I saw the good coming out of it slowly but surely and it excited me.I remained a celibate for a while.Soon after that,I decided to trust in Jesus(at the end of 1994).I guess I was able to do that at that point of time because I wasn't distracted with finding Mr.Right.Having Jesus in my life made a whole lot of difference.I realize what He wants is to love me!Ed
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